Teeth

Teeth Review

V for Dentata

As superpowers go, vagina dentata has got to be one of the weakest. You can defeat your archnemesis Captain Rape-O only if you get very close to his slimy self. What you really want is the ability to cut down these Howard Roark disciples from a clean safe distance. Despite this fatal flaw, this horror comedy has much going for it.

Dawn (Jess Weixler in the performance of her young career) is a sweet dutiful high schooler sworn to the cult of virginity. Her faith gets severely tested by douchebags infesting her home and high school. It all starts when a fellow abstinence-monger tries to assault her. For his troubles he gets his and one of the funniest lines in the film. Through a series of horrific experiences Dawn learns to use her gift and becomes a confident young woman ready to take on the world.

Writer/Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Rating: 3.75/5

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A Serbian Film

A Serbian Film Review

For years advertisers have relied on three weapons to get your attention: sex, babies or food. Spasojevic and Co., a pragmatic lot, cover their bets by using not one but two of them. The first two to be specific. In the same scene.

Milos is a retired porn star who can’t support his family. A former co-star introduces him to a director who wants to produce a grand comeback vehicle for Milos. The money is unbelievably good and Milos has never heard of Faust. In the ensuing bad-taste Olympics, almost every character, regardless of age, gets tortured and/or raped and/or killed. All punctuated with a ejaculations like, “This is Serbia” and “The new Serbian family” lest you miss the alleged allegorical subtext.

Nothing to see here, keep walking unless you want to give the filmmakers the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of you.

Director: Srdjan Spasojevic
Rating: 0.25/5 (The soundtrack saves it from a perfect 0)

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